The Power of Showimg Up

I often struggle with feeling that I am not enough; that I don't have what it takes to fulfill the roles which I have been placed in. I don't think that I am unusual in that, but it is hard when we believe that we are inadequate to keep showing up and to keep trying. I have definitely struggled with this since starting the PARC. I constantly say that I don't know what I am doing. I have never done this before. I mean, when we started the PARC we had to 'google' business plan. We then changed it 8 times! We didn't know what we were doing and I often feel that to this day.

Yesterday I walked into the 'room' at the PARC. That is where the members gather, all of our classes take place and the many projects are done. I just stood there and looked and took it all in. At one table sat a volunteer who is a college student and is about to graduate. She was visiting with 3 members. One was about to move back home to reconcile with his family, another had just gotten a job and the other one was about to move into his own home. At another table one of our staff sat with one individual while another volunteer sat at the back table having conversation with those members. Another staff member sat at a different table listening and encouraging. At the table where I was, two members were just visiting with one another. One said, "I keep wanting to do something and God keeps telling me 'no'. But I want to do it." The other one looked him in the eye and he said, "Don't do it." A simple nod was his response. Lives were being impacted. Change was happening in this quiet peaceful place.

As I looked out I thought to myself, "This is it. This is what I saw. This is what I believed could happen. Lives truly being changed by being shown value, sincere conversation and relationship." It isn't always this easy. There is a lot of anger that comes through these doors and hard conversations. Difficult decisions have to be made, but at that moment I saw and I took a minute to just take it all in. I think I saw God's heart.

Do I still feel inadequate? You bet I do. I don't take credit for what is taking place in that room. I just know that if I keep showing up every day that God will continue to make HIS dreams come true for those who come through our doors. When EACH ONE of us shows up, God is well able to do what He does. For some it may be having the conversations. For others it may be bringing meals or donating supplies or coffee. For some it may be giving financially or inviting people. The important thing is that we keep showing up even when we feel we are not enough.

I saw this verse just a few days ago. "Stand victorious with the force of His explosive power flowing in and through you." (Eph. 6:10) Do I feel like a powerful force is flowing though me? Not usually. But it's okay, because when I show up I get to be a part of what that explosive power is able to accomplish, and THAT is a wonderful privilege.