The Journey of Wisdom

Last week I shared with you about cutting my finger on Memorial Day. There have been so many lessons I have learned from this experience. I have tried to do all the right things. I’ve tried to be THANKFUL. It was my little finger on my left hand. I didn’t cut a tendon, nor did I cut my finger off. You know, things like that. I FOLLOWED THE RULES. I wore the splint for 2 days, kept it wrapped and didn’t get it wet. It was such an inconvenience, though.  I can’t wash my hands, I can’t wash my hair with 2 hands, I can’t put on lotion. All the things, but I did it.

But, then I got tired of it disrupting my life.  When I just happened to have an appointment with a friend of mine who happens to be a doctor, I seized upon the moment. Even though I had been told to wait ‘about’ 10 days before I got the stitches out, I talked myself in to believing that 8 days was close enough. My husband told me the night before that he thought it was too early, but I insisted. I went ahead and got the stitches out. Yes, my cut opened back up. That night as my husband was bandaging me up and trying to repair the damage, he told me I had gotten the stitches out too early and needed to go back to the clinic. What happened next was not pretty. This crazy woman started coming out of my mouth. I started crying and saying irrational things such as, “I know I messed up. I can’t do anything right. How do I know I can trust the doctor at the clinic? I don’t even know that doctor. It’s a good thing I don’t have a chronic illness because I wouldn’t be handling that well at all.” My husband just stood there looking confused and helpless. I went on and on. I knew I was being irrational, but I couldn’t stop myself. I also knew something deeper was going on, but I did not know what it was.

The next day I went to some friends of mine that I have “lived life with” for the past 15 years. I asked them to please give me some insight. One of them, in her very sweet way said, “Maybe this is something you might think about. Do you think that maybe you feel out of control? You have to WAIT for your finger to heal, and that is frustrating you?” Ding! Ding! Ding! I knew immediately that she was right. I was tired of the inconvenience. I was tired of waiting and I wanted to rush the process. So, I closed my ears to the voice of wisdom. (This time it sounded like my husband.) I closed my mind to what was right, because I wanted to speed up the process.

This issue is one that I become frustrated with the members at the PARC about all the time. They get tired of the rules, of being homeless, of having to stay at Salvation Army, etc. They want to hurry the process and end up making bad decisions. When we hurry the process we sacrifice what is our best and we settle for a compromise; something that is not complete. Today in our Bible Study we talked about how “Wisdom cries out in the street”.  Oh, that we would listen. Oh, that we would listen every single time. I pray for wisdom every day, and yet I still find myself closing my ears when wisdom is inconvenient. "Wisdom will extend your life, making every year more frutiful than the one before." Prov. 9:11 I am going to keep asking for wisdom, but I think I might add patience to that prayer.