To Be Seen

We all know that mental illness is a big problem in the homeless population and there are not any long-term mental treatment facilities here in Amarillo. I am grateful that at the PARC we can host them. We are a place for them to come that is safe and peaceful. Most of all, we are a place for them to come where they can really be seen; where they can be known. Most of them have been banned or trespassed from all of the other agencies. This means that they can't get showers, so they are extremely dirty. Many of them deal with voices, paranoia and hallucinations. This sometimes creates mood swings, erratic behavior, and often anger, but every day at the PARC is a new day and a chance to try again..
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We have an incredible staff that loves fiercely. They carry compassion and kindness throughout every situation. With their compassion comes a courage and ability to handle the difficult and hard situations that arise with those that are mentally ill. It is amazing to get to be a part of it and to watch. When Jason first began coming to the PARC he talked gibberish, was very high strung and couldn't stay in one place. He would easily become angry or frustrated and just 'go off'. Most often he wasn't able to stay. There were times he would call his mother and yell at her and say hard and terrible things. During those calls we would make him get off the phone and remind him that we don't treat people like that at the PARC. Whenever he asked to use the phone, it was always with the reminder of how he needed to treat her and talk to her. At the PARC you never run out of chances so Jason kept coming back. As time went on he became calmer and was able to stay for longer periods of time. There have been numerous times when I would watch one of our staff members stand in front of him and say, "Jason, stop. Jason, look at me. Now Jason breathe. Take a deep breath. Breathe." As I watched that I would see him become calm again and go back to the Jason that we had grown to see and love. Now on most days Jason stays with us the entire day, having wonderful conversations and joining in on our classes. He talks to his mother often now, and she even comes to see him at the PARC. She will take him to get a shower and some needed items. When he returns his face is shining like the sun. He is so happy.

A few weeks ago Jason had, what is now, a rare episode where he  was yelling and angry. He was saying terrible things to our staff. It was not a good day. When he came back a few days later he stood at the door and looked in timidly. "I'm sorry" he said. "Can I come back?" I walked over to talk to him about what had happened when he was last here.. He apologized again and said, "I don't think you can forgive me because I think that I am unforgivable." I looked him in the eye and said, "Jason we forgive you. We love you and we forgive you, just don't do that again." He slowly walked in to try again.

Yesterday Jason was having a hard time. We tried, but he was unable to stay. As I was helping him carry out his things he looked at me with the sweetest expression on his face and said, "You help me. You help me know what to do and you discipline me. I need that." And then he said, "You see me. You love me. I hope you understand how big that is. I hope you see how you do that and how big it is. Here, this is my family."

And there you  have it. Will Jason ever become a 'success' in the eyes of society? I don't know but I can't articulate the honor and privilege it is to get to be a part of Jason's life; to watch him slowly becoming the man he truly is. He has made our life richer. He has blessed us. He is kind, smart and funny.  He is loved here. I am so very grateful for the PARC