What If?

Fear. What are we afraid of? What things make us afraid? I don't think of myself as a person that is afraid, but if I am being totally honest, there are a few things I 'worry' about. Is that the same thing? Are fear and worry basically the same emotion with just a little bit of a different twist? I do worry, and no matter how much I try to "give it to God" there always seems to be this little nagging thing that says, "What if?" What I am actually worrying about hasn't even happened yet, but what if? 

I do think fear and worry are the same thing. Do you notice how often God tells us "Do not fear? I will never leave you? I will never forsake you?." He is speaking in to our future. He is speaking in to the things that haven't happened yet. Right now everything is okay, but 'what if?" God knows we are afraid and that we worry and so He tells us to not be afraid. Do not worry about tomorrow. But no matter how many times He tells me that He will take care of me; even though He has proven to me over and over that He is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do, there is still that nagging "what if?".

As I am writing this it makes me angry. When I do that I am ALLOWING fear and worry to steal my joy and thankfulness for NOW. God's goodness and provision are all around me, and I am well taken care of. God has proved Himself to me over and over and instead of recognizing that I think "but what if?"

This is something I have learned and am reminded of daily by the members of the PARC. Even in the situations in which they have found themselves, I hear them say,  "I am thankful for the PARC. I am thankful for a place to come that is safe and positive. Thank you." We hear this every day and it may sound a little simplistic, but what I hear is that right now I am standing in the PARC and I am grateful. Yes, I am homeless. Yes, I have to live in a shelter where I don't want to be. I need a job. I need a home. I need transportation, but right now I am standing in the PARC and I am thankful.

That is how I want to be. Right now this is where I am. Right now I am being taken care of and I am provided for. Right now I am safe. How dare I worry about what MIGHT happen. How rude!!! I am sorry. I repent. I commit to be more intentional about being right here, seeing God's goodness and saying 'thank you.' And when that nagging voice starts to say, "what if?' I will tell it to be quiet and then I will look around and be grateful.